


To Love Oneself

by AnneLaurant



Category: W.I.T.C.H.
Genre: Alternate Character Interpretation, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Character, Gay Character, Gen, Genderbend, Intersex Character, Lesbian Character, Nonbinary Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 10:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15638487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneLaurant/pseuds/AnneLaurant
Summary: They are people who love. Love, so blind, so beautiful, so merciless. But, to love others, they must be able to love themselves first.Originally meant for Pride Month 2018.





	1. Table of Contents

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Genderbend tag is for the chapters on trans*, intersex, and nonbinary.

Wow, it's... Envy Month already? XD Anyway, before everything let me state it: I'm genderfluid and demi/bi/ace.

**Table of Contents**

For anyone who wants to skip my long author notes.

  1. **L** \- Irma discovers her sexuality.
  2. **G** \- Phobos deals with misandry, internalized misandry, and internalized homophobia as he discovers he is gay.
  3. **B** \- Cornelia comes out and deals with biphobia.
  4. **T** \- Cedric deals with a few inconveniences that comes with being a trans man. Comes in two versions: comics and cartoons.
  5. **N** \- Will tells everybody there's a mismatch with them and the qualifications in being a guardian.
  6. **I** \- Caleb advocates for education on gender and gender identity. Also comes in two versions: comics and cartoons.
  7. **A** \- Orube thinks she's broken, but a certain someone comes along, which help her come to terms with herself.



**Major Author Notes**

Sexual attraction and gender identity had never been the focus of any of my works. Sure, there are characters I've declared I interpret to be non-cis and/or non-straight, but I never focus much on the themes of discovering one's sexuality, coming out, dealing with *-phobes and *-phobic ideas, dealing with being assigned with a gender that doesn't match with one's gender identity, and the like.

Some people might argue that "being queer changes everything" (actual words), as being such helps one see the forced heteronormativity and the abuses of the cisgender, heterosexual part of the population. That is quite true: it opens people to the concept that there are more genders than male or female, that people can be attracted to different genders or not attracted at all, that the world is more diverse and yet, it sticks to cruel ideas. I've found works in the fandom which tells me that there are still people who are committed to the cisgender, heterosexual, patriarchal thinking, people who suddenly recoil and pretend to be hurt when a gay tells them their work is homophobic, when in essence, the thing actually hurts gay people, as homophobic views being praised means homophobic views being affirmed and encouraged.

However, as a genderfluid demi/bi/ace person who is tired of this discourse and tired of a life filled with heteronormativity, I want to imagine that someone being noncis/straight doesn't mean much of a change. It doesn't suddenly mean that gays have to dress feminine, lesbians have to dress masculine, and enbies (nonbinary) have to be totally androgynous. It's like this: you read up on someone in history and find out they are not straight. It _might_ explain _some_ of their behaviors, but it doesn't cripple their story and their legacy. I tried to veer away from negative stuff as much as possible.

But, it still is important to address the negative parts: *-phobia, internalized *-phobia, fears about *-phobia, and knowing that you are different without understanding why in regards to sexuality and gender. It is even more important to see LGBT+ fiction written by someone who belongs to the community and has interacted with different people from the community. But, I do not recommend that you use this series as a bible for interpretations of LGBT+ people; think of it as a peek into the different identities.

Also, I included a chapter on intersex. Intersex is neither a gender identity nor a sexuality; it is a medical condition, but it is one important thing to discuss, as intersex people develop or do not develop sex characteristics (primary or secondary) that match with their assigned gender at birth and therefore makes them vulnerable to hurtful heteronormative thinking (men with larger breasts = ew because "female" trait, women with facial hair = ew because "male" trait). There will be intersex people who do not wish to identify as part of LGBT, having embraced their genders assigned at birth and identifying as heterosexual.

I also included a chapter on asexuality. It is not inherently LGBT as people can be gay/lesbian/bi/pan AND ace, with the former relating to which genders one is attracted to and the latter on if they feel strong sexual attraction/urges or not, but I feel that this should be addressed too.

By no means are these representations supposed to be 100% non-problematic uwu. By no means are these representations a generalization of the whole. These are simply stories in which I explore writing about sexuality/gender/condition and the life events people of a certain sexuality/gender/condition experience. By no means will these be perfect or 100% true to life, as there are fictional, magical elements with some of the characters I used. I am still learning about my own identity, too. I am still learning about these many different identities.

Unless otherwise stated, the events do not necessarily follow strictly comics canon or strictly cartoons canon. The stories also do not necessarily happen within the same AU.

I also do not strictly follow these headcanon sex, gender, sexuality, etc. in all of my works. But, I admit I am interested in writing more with these headcanons, and you are free to use these headcanons as inspiration for your own works (please show me if you have any!). Once again, do not use this series as a bible for your own queer interpretation.


	2. L(esbian)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On this chapter: Irma discovers her sexuality.

Irma heard it all before. Boys - tall, muscular, smart, kind, handsome. She knew she had a preference, blonde and blue-eyed, but she didn't exactly see what was so, so rose-colored about boys.  
  
Well, one time she was pining after Andrew Hornby, then he tried to kiss her all of a sudden. It left her feeling disgusted.  
  
Martin? He's a good guy. Irma didn't feel enough of an attraction towards him, beyond liking the fact she had someone's attention, so when he and Michelle hooked up, it was a sore spot. It was both nice and not so nice. She didn't know if she liked it.  
  
Joel? He was nice. Very nice. They could've been kindred souls. They had similar hobbies, shared similar interests, but she couldn't figure out why she didn't love him the way her friends loved their respective boyfriends.  
  
There must be something wrong with her.  
  
It was when Joel took her out on a movie that she realized what was going on. They both agreed to watch a romance flick, in an attempt to find where their relationship stood. Irma found it rather boring... until a scene with the actress nearly nude came out.  
  
"Woah, that's hot," Joel muttered under his breath.  
  
Without much thought, Irma added, "I know. She's hot."  
  
Joel must've been way too nice to fully realize the meaning of her words. He didn't say a thing about it, and instead kept expanding on why it was hot. Irma, meanwhile, was trying to make sense of what she just said. The woman appealed to her. Women. Say that it was a girl next to her instead of Joel watching it with her...  
  
A girl holding her hand. A girl staring at her. A girl having romantic adventures with her. It gave her the goosebumps and the thrill that her friends had when they'd talk about their boyfriends.  
  
Irma smiled from ear to ear. Nothing was wrong with her; she just liked girls more.  
  
(In the end, Irma confessed to Joel that they couldn't be more than friends. Ever-so-kind Joel accepted it and from then on, they swore to be wingmen to each other. Not surprisingly, Joel's first recommendation to Irma is Cornelia.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lesbian Irma is good, but only applies to cartoons canon for me. However, you are free to have your own take! I personally like bi/ace Irma, too! Also, I headcanon that Joel is bi.
> 
> I've taken some time before I realized I was ace, before I realized I was both ace and bi and I wasn't too focused on either events of my life (sad). So, I had to look up how people knew they were not straight. I had fun reading them, and I'm happy for you guys!


	3. G(ay)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On this chapter: Phobos deals with misandry, internalized misandry, and internalized homophobia as he discovers he is gay.

He should've really been born a woman.  
  
Truth to be told, Phobos didn't see a reason to hate himself. He was comfortable as he was. He was smart; he was talented; he was well-versed in the arts, sciences, and magic. He toiled just as hard, maybe even harder, as the ladies of nobility. He thought himself on par with them, maybe even better, far better. He could've been the perfect heir.  
  
Unfortunately, that was not to be. None of his efforts ever seemed to impress his Mother enough. She would smile, but she would gently remind him that no, his future sister would inherit the crown.  
  
None of his efforts had impressed members of the court. The Duchesses, Marquises, and Ladies looked down on him, as if he was a lunatic. He would never fit in with them, and he would never be intelligent enough to take part in any of their discussions.  
  
He hated it. He hated them. He hated the backwards thinking of society. He hated how his Mother seemed to shrug off his struggles, or how his father had been so weak. Men should be able to stand equally with women. Men should unite and make a stand for it.  
  
Ugh! If only he'd been born a princess.  
  
But, with the help of his beloved tutor Johnathan Ludmoore, a dragon scholar, he overthrew the government and seized what he deserved. Getting his hands on the crown required a heavy price, but now he could enjoy his days as a prince. No, a king.  
  
So many people flocked to him. So many men praised his name, and he was the star. A man. A man was the star. He was born a man, and for the first time in his life, he could revel in being a man.  
  
Except that he suspected them of faking it. They didn't want this 'equality'; they wanted power. They were riding on his fame and his influence for their own use. He could never be a king, only a prince.  
  
If only he'd been a woman instead. Phobos wouldn't have to do this. He wouldn't have to dispose of his parents and to restructure the government. He could've just enjoyed life. He could've just did what he wanted to do; loved what he would've liked to love.  
  
Unfortunately, Ludmoore suddenly disappeared on him, and Phobos was left with the dilemma of trying to gain real respect from his subjects. He grew even more distrustful, and he couldn't allow simple nobodies near him.  
  
Then, he met the shapeshifting naga.  
  
The naga did not go by any name. He followed his own rules; he lived by his own principles. He was gifted; he loved to learn, and he could learn fast. In fact, he was a prodigy in linguistics. He had a wall around him, but it was clear to Phobos how they were one of a kind.  
  
Lonely.  
  
"Cedric," Phobos called him, and from then on, Cedric was his companion.  
  
Cedric was able to adapt well into the palace life. He was able to exhibit appropriate behavior in court. He mastered illusionary magic, and further honed his control over language and the sleight of words.  
  
They were somehow joined at the hip. Cedric laughed at what he laughed at. Cedric hated what he hated. Cedric followed him so closely, and Phobos was uneasy without him around. Perhaps it was that he had taught Cedric a lot of his own ways, that it was impossible to detach them from each other now.  
  
Phobos liked it.  
  
But what Phobos didn't like was how Cedric acted when the prince was not around. He went back to living his own rules, following his principles. He didn't mind how people spoke of him. He didn't mind what kind of rumor bore his name, and in fact, sometimes he'd ride along and invent a whole new story. People came to respect him and follow him, and they started to accept him as one who stood above them.  
  
And, he didn't mind having flings. Men and women loved him, and he loved them. Man or woman, he was attracted to both, and he was unafraid to declare that.  
  
Phobos found himself looking at a mirror, only that the image in the mirror showed a person he wanted to be. Confident and self-reliant. A man capable of holding himself, and a man capable of handling critique well. A man unafraid to love.  
  
Deep inside, Phobos wished to attain that, too. He so desired to be free of this constraint that choked him.   
  
Yet again, he heard a whisper. 'I should've been born a woman.'  
  
Women enjoyed position without much trouble. Women enjoyed freedom and enjoyed life. Women enjoyed a lot of privileges men did. Fame, knowledge, lovers. And so did Cedric.  
  
Phobos hated, hated how Cedric would allow people to slide into his arms just like that. He'd whisper so many lies to them, but Phobos knew that Cedric was enjoying it. The shapeshifter never meant any of his words, but he loved being loved. It was simply that he did not have anyone to direct his affections towards, but he adored spewing words of affection like a bard singing his poem.  
  
"And you, my prince, would you like me to offer such words for you, too?"  
  
Something leapt inside his chest, and Phobos quickly excused himself. He didn't want to acknowledge it, he had tried to suppress it, but in his heart thumped, "It is a man who I love, a man who stirs the fire in my soul. Offer me your words and I offer you mine."  
  
Dirty. He was dirty. He was filthy and he was undeserving. No, not him; Cedric. It was Cedric's fault.  
  
Had Phobos been a princess instead, he could've enjoyed it all. He could've gotten it all. He wouldn't have to feel this way. He would've loved who he wanted to love.  
  
(Unable to show love, Phobos resorted to the other option: hatred.  
  
But did he hate Cedric, or did Phobos hate his own inability and insecurity?)  
  
...  
  
Years passed by. Phobos, caught up in his cycle of love and hate, love and hate, love and hate, was caught by the guardians and sent to prison. Twice.  
  
He wasn't to let them do that for the third time, and he threw himself to the abyss. Shit, shit, Cedric was still alive. The snake betrayed him; he will be exposed...!  
  
As he fell, Phobos' mind went back to his past. He had wished to be a woman, but it was a woman who defeated him. A woman forced him to lose himself; a woman ousted him from the throne; a woman humiliated him in front of the world. If he had been a woman instead, he would've never come to this.  
  
Ha, ha... if he could be reborn, he wished he would be a woman. It would mean so much to him, being able to stand equal with other women, love men like other women...  
  
(He would've held his lover better. He would've treated that man better. <em>I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Forgive me.</em>)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gay Phobos was the most difficult to write for me. His story is also the longest and the only one that has a "bad" ending. I wanted to discuss something different (but something very important!) and tackle some Meridian world building in which instead of patriarchy and misogyny, you have matriarchy and misandry.
> 
> My beta told me that yes, it's probably a little weird to see one lone story being this sad. I tried to veer it towards a more bittersweet tone and have Phobos feel regret in the end.
> 
> Anyway, the important subject I wanted to discuss here was how a lot of people still think that sex, gender identity, gender expression, and romantic/sexual attraction should be linked. It's one of the prevailing ideologies about gay people here in my home country. Many still classify gay men as "women", and gay men who have come out are usually expected to dress like a woman and have preferences like a woman. Similarly goes for lesbian women. (That is, until they are trans. Trans men get called "women" and trans women get called "men". Amazing. /sarcasm)
> 
> While there are gay men who choose to be more feminine and lesbian women who choose to be masculine, it is important to remember that gender expression is independent of sexual attraction.
> 
> However, in Phobos' case, the misconceptions have manifested deep in his psyche, growing up without much positive influence. He has internalized the toxic heteronormativity of his homeworld. He's gay, but he's homophobic towards himself, even if he may not realize it. That goes for other members of the community, too. A lesbian may hold homophobic ideas; a bisexual may hold onto biphobic ideas; an asexual may hold onto aphobic ideas; a trans* person may hold onto transphobic ideas; so on and so forth.
> 
> This is why I believe we shouldn't simply attack people over *-phobic comments just easily. This is why I believe we should encourage more discussion within the community, within the subgroups of the community.


	4. B(isexual)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On this chapter: Cornelia comes out and deals with biphobia.

For Cornelia, the question wasn't if she liked boys over girls or girls over boys. It was being taken seriously.  
  
The revelation didn't come to her as a shock or a tragedy. It was just a thing. She nodded, passed out on the bed, then woke up as if nothing happened. Bisexual. She liked both and she was cool with it. She didn't feel the need to come out at all, either.  
  
Well, that was what she thought.  
  
Irma announced she was lesbian and she thought Cornelia was hot. It was a little awkward for a few missions afterwards, but Cornelia felt jealous. She wanted to announce it like that too. Irma was brave; she was not.  
  
So she tried doing it first with Irma.  
  
"I'm bisexual," was how simply she started it.  
  
"Cool," was the reply. Well. That was easy.  
  
With Irma's help, Cornelia gathered the courage to come out to their friends.  
  
"I'm bisexual."  
  
Hay Lin was cool with it. Will gave an OK sign. Taranee asked, "And that would mean?"  
  
"I'm attracted to both guys and girls."  
  
"But you've only dated guys so far...?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. But they were the only ones I committed with. That doesn't mean I don't have an attraction towards girls."  
  
"Oh... okay..."  
  
It wasn't as awkward as with Irma's coming out. Still, Cornelia felt stronger, and the two of them bonded over so many gay (well, lesbian) jokes and checking out some girls for fun and for Irma's future love life.  
  
"So like, you like girls too, right?" Irma asked.  
  
"Yes!" Cornelia nodded. "Just not those kinds."  
  
"What kind of girl do you like, then?"  
  
"Well, it's hard to pin down, but I guess I like the ones with a nice smile."  
  
"Correct me if I'm wrong though. Do you like, like them equally, on, say, a 50-50 ratio?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe not. I've had more crushes on boys than girls."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"I don't think that makes me not bisexual, though."  
  
"Don't think so either. I mean. You like both." Irma shrugged. "Why count?"  
  
A few days after that, Cornelia finally had enough courage to tell her parents.  
  
"I'm bisexual."  
  
"What?"  
  
"That's just a phase, honey."  
  
"No, Mom, it's not. I'm bi. I like guys and girls."  
  
"You're probably just confused."  
  
"You'll end up with only one person and perhaps that'll tell us that you're either straight or gay."  
  
"Lesbian, Harold, not gay."  
  
Cornelia wanted to facepalm so hard. On one hand, her mother believed she liked girls only. On the other, her father believed she liked boys only. Her parents couldn't grasp the fact that she could like both.  
  
They started this stupid competition over it: who would she bring home for dinner, a guy or a girl?  
  
She felt exhausted. She called Irma to rant all about it. For days she was in a sour mood.  
  
That didn't escape Peter's notice, and one day, he pulled her aside.  
  
"Something bothering you?"  
  
'I'm bisexual' was the first thing Cornelia thought, but she pushed that aside. No. She wasn't bothered by her sexuality. She was bothered that her parents didn't understand it and was now making fun of it. 'I'm bisexual and they're not taking it seriously.' Now. Just to say it. "I... my parents... they're not taking it seriously."  
  
"What is?"  
  
She's said this thrice. She only got rejected once. Now why was she so scared? "M-me."  
  
"What about you? I don't understand. Please. Explain." Sweet, sweet Peter was trying to be nice. Cornelia thought she couldn't stand this rejection any longer.  
  
"...I told my parents I'm bisexual."  
  
Peter didn't respond. It's then that Cornelia realized that she hadn't told him until now, much like how she hadn't told him about her guardianship. Panic. Regret. Heartbeats. A hug.  
  
A hug...?  
  
Peter was warm and big around her. "I'm sorry." It's all he said, but everything was enough. Cornelia hugged back, and she cried. She cried all that she couldn't, all those days since her parents tried to force their ideas on her.  
  
She was lucky Peter had pulled her towards a pretty empty side of Sheffield. Cornelia didn't like crying in front of other people.  
  
After an eternity, Cornelia stated it once again. "I'm bisexual. Is it weird for you?"  
  
Peter smiled at her. He was so, so sweet. "No. I mean, that doesn't really define who you are, does it?"  
  
"You know what it is, right? I like both guys and girls."  
  
"Yeah. But you like me most!" Ah! The nerve! He had the nerve to joke at this serious moment! "And, I love you."  
  
"Oh you!" Cornelia laughed, for the first time in a few days. "You surely don't want to ask which girls I find hot?"  
  
"You can tell me if you're comfortable enough, but it's not necessary."  
  
Cornelia wrapped her arms around Peter and laughed and cried once more. He was the one, she thought. He took her seriously - he listened to her - and that was enough a proof that he would be her one and only.  
  
Peter telling her it's okay was enough to wash away the ill feelings she had towards her parents.  
  
(So maybe her father 'won' the bet and to her parents' eyes she was "straight", but what could she really do? They're not the ones who she'll live with for the rest of her life, and it's not her problem if they're so close-minded.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bisexual Cornelia and coming out? Yes. With this I discussed the "ratio" thing, the "just a phase" thing (a.k.a. confused and experimenting), and people who don't seem to grasp that there's more sexualities than homosexuality and heterosexuality: which pretty much amounts to biphobia.
> 
> It's personally frustrating to see people who say that if a bi doesn't date someone of the same gender, they're straight only, or if a bi doesn't date someone of the other gender, they're gay/lesbian only. It's a never-ending cycle. On the plus side, I get to answer "No" if a bisexual friend of mine gets to be questioned if they're gay.


	5. T(rans*)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On this chapter: Cedric deals with a few inconveniences that comes with being a trans man. Comes in two versions: comics and cartoons.

**\- Ver. Comics -**

If there was one thing about humanity Cedric liked, it was that he was finally comfortable with his own body. He was so, so grateful he studied so hard on how to perfect shapeshifting and how to act like humans. He liked that he fit in and wasn't troubled with ideas pertaining to his very personal dilemma.  
  
Every time someone would call him a man, his heart leapt with delight. As long as he existed as Lord Cedric, he felt that nothing could stand in his way.  
  
(Shapeshifting into a girl was okay. He wasn't them anyway, and he had to tip the scales in his favor by pretending to be Elyon and Yan Lin.)  
  
...well, maybe he took a few decisions that didn't work out in his favor, a few decisions that were irrational and evil as per Kandrakar's moral compass.  
  
He was a little scared about being permanently cast in a body that he could not call his own, but the Oracle allowed him to stay as a human male. Good, good. Relief washed over Cedric, to be replaced by dread when he realized he also lost the rest of his magic.  
  
Oh well. At least he wouldn't revert back to his real self, a form he could never manipulate. Then again, his real self wasn't telling of his identity until prodded closely. In fact, most reptilians in Metamoor did not understand why the galhots stressed a lot about their children's choices when it comes to identity.  
  
Yes. It wasn't much of a worry until he met Orube.  
  
He was too conscious around her. It wasn't as if she'd catch on to his identity at the time of his birth, but it surely felt that way. Her eyes were so perceptive, he could melt under her gaze and onto her feet.  
  
(Ludmoore might've tricked him, but a miracle happened for love's sake.)  
  
No, Cedric thought, he was a man. He was confident in himself. He was comfortable with his body. But wouldn't it be cruel of him to deprive her of his whole identity? No, his real identity was that he was a man. There are things about him that she didn't have to know; there are things about her that he didn't have to know. All they needed was trust in each other.  
  
He loved her. He loved this feline warrior, who continued to love him for him. If they got to that stage of their relationship and she discovered that one thing about his real form, it... it wouldn't be the end of the world. They'd talk about it, Cedric planned. They'd talk, and he'd confess to her. He didn't need to stress over it. He shouldn't doubt himself; he shouldn't doubt her. Doubt killed relationships.  
  
Well, not all plans were guaranteed to succeed. When the reveal happened, he fumbled with words, and she gave him a look of utter confusion, and a "What do you mean we can't make love like this?"  
  
As Cedric held her, he chuckled to himself. All he really needed was to be himself.  
  
("Which one do you like better?" "...what do you mean? Both forms... both are you! If you'd like to embrace me with your preferred form, I don't mind it. I love what you'd like to do." "...thank you..." "I love you!" "I love you too. So, so, so much.")

**\- Ver. Cartoons -**

Cedric liked to be himself. He liked his rules, he liked his principles, and he liked who he was.  
  
It's just a little unfortunate he had a body different from that. It's also a little unfortunate that his shapeshifting magic wasn't so strong.  
  
A bit of a tragedy was the heats he underwent, that made him wish he was fully human instead. It would be stronger than what most other male nagas experience, and he'd have to hide.  
  
The real tragedy was the scars he received while in his human form. No, not mental scars; real scars.  
  
He always had to wrap bandages around his chest, and they always managed to cut him and sometimes even try to suffocate him. Ugh. Flimsy things. He wanted to opt for something a little better, but Meridianite technology offered little for people like him. He couldn't properly breathe at times and blood would seep through his clothes, but he had to look charming and handsome or bold and terrifying in front of his allies and his enemies.  
  
When the opportunity came, he tried looking around Heatherfield. It took him much more time than necessary as he did not want to reveal himself. There were ways of acquiring what he wanted, but he did not want to expose himself and be vulnerable. He just couldn't gather the courage to go where he should've, not when his body ached from trying to make it listen to him, not when he has no assurances that the human interaction will be sensitive.  
  
Though, when he met Orube, he was surprised at how he could ignore that pain. It was unlike moments with his past lovers, in which their own experiences and goals mattered more than anything and he would sometimes wish he could ignore them; Orube could make him ignore time and space altogether. It was just their souls, conversing and connecting, paying little heed to what problems they had and what they lacked.  
  
She saw him for him. Thus, Cedric came to the conclusion that Orube wouldn't mind what he had to say.  
  
Alone in the bookshop, Cedric whispered his words, his many words. He told her of his identity and his many problems, including that one thing that bothered him so much. Orube closed her eyes and listened carefully with her large ears. She seemed to be in deep thought, even as he had finished what he had to say.  
  
Finally, she spoke. "...let me see your wounds."  
  
She looked up at him with a worried frown. Tears decorated her eyes. She always hated it when he was hurt. Sweet, sweet Orube. Cedric couldn't help but cry, too, and they pulled each other into a passionate kiss.  
  
Later that night, Orube presented him with a binder.  
  
"This is the kind we use in Basiliade," she said, "Something like that... it's also a problem for some warriors. Um, I'm sorry it's not in your skin color."  
  
"It's fine." For now. "...Orube, are you sure I can have it?" Cedric asked as he applied some healing balm on his wounds.  
  
"Yes. But you have to take it off when you can. You can't wear it at all times as it will hurt you."  
  
Cedric marvelled at this piece of clothing. He liked it. He'd have to buy one in his skin color soon, but for now, this was brilliant. This would bring comfort to himself. As Orube scooted closer and anchored her chin on his shoulder, he said, "This is perfect."  
  
Orube giggled, sending shivers of delight to his heart. "J-just like you, my love."  
  
He's not yet sure if he should go for the hormone therapy or the surgery the Earthlings speak of, but his lover treasured him even without that, so perhaps, it wasn't too unfortunate his body was a little different.  
  
(Orube stealthily handed him the binders in the changing room, and they were able to purchase binders for Cedric. From then on, he could easily go shirtless around the house, cuddling his beloved as they watched TV together.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trans Cedric. Oh man, transman Cedric. I had no idea how much I love transman Cedric until I wrote this fic. Please give me more transman Cedric if you can!
> 
> Ahem. My research came as a form of "how to write trans characters" and reading various trans* fics here on AO3. Prior to that, I was interacting with several members of the trans* community (you rock, guys). I also tried to write being trans without having to use "female" terms while describing any body part of Cedric's.
> 
> In my head, the reptilian race under which the nagas belong to are definitely peoples who have no real concept of gender binaries, especially that they do not exhibit much of dimorphism (secondary sex characteristics) besides body size and size of genital slit. Hence, if somebody among them wishes to be known as a different gender, their wishes are mostly respected. Comics Cedric seems like he has more control over his powers, so his self in this fic had full control over how he appears in his human form. Cartoons Cedric, however, doesn't transform into anything else, and his control over his transformation sucks. Hence, his self in this fic had little control over how he would appear as a human. Both are equally interesting to me. I'd love to write more about both of them.
> 
> Also, binders are still harmful. Less harmful than bandages, but you still need to time how long you're wearing them and take them off to let your bodies breathe.


	6. N(onbinary)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On this chapter: Will tells everybody there's a mismatch with them and the qualifications in being a guardian.

"But I'm not a girl!"  
  
Yan Lin stared at Will. Actually, everyone stared at them.  
  
"I'm not a girl," Will repeated, "I'm nonbinary. I can't be a guardian. I'm sorry. Please. Find another person."  
  
"...well. In that case, I'll have to ask the Oracle."  
  
Will grunted and leaned back on their chair. Was it such a big deal that they didn't fall into the binary? Yan Lin said that the chosen guardians were always girls. Will, however, was not.  
  
Thankfully, Yan Lin held the Heart of Kandrakar and she vanished. Teleported. Whatever. She left Will with their new friends looking at them.  
  
"...so...?" Irma started, "Is that why you go by your nickname more?"  
  
"Yeah?" Will shrugged. Their name was also a mouthful, but it didn't really click that what bothered them was not because it was too long and felt so old, but also because they were not a girl. "I appreciate my mom giving me a nice name, but it's just not me."  
  
"Uh-huh?"  
  
"Um, do we still call your style tomboyish?" Cornelia asked.  
  
"I don't really know, I haven't actually thought about that," they answered, thinking of the numerous shirts and different jeans hanging in their closet. They also had two pairs of skirts and one dress, and they hated wearing open toe shoes and having heels higher than an inch. "But I do know it's Will style. You don't see Will style all the time. Nobody likes frogs like I do."  
  
Hay Lin leaned in. "Do you like boys or girls?"  
  
"I just know I liked a few guys in the past." But, maybe not enough to call it a deep crush? "Not sure about girls," Girls were okay, they guessed? "Or other people like me. Then again, I don't really know other people like me." Or, well, Will doesn't really know who else was like them. "Crazy, huh?"  
  
The four girls stared at each other.  
  
"But, if you're not the leader, then who will be?" Taranee questioned.  
  
Will shrugged. "I dunno. Another girl, I guess." As the rules of guardianship stated, right? "But we could still be friends, and I could still be your leader somewhere else!"  
  
They expected their new friends would be not cool with it. "That's cool." "Yeah." "Sure." "Totally." Well, such expectations aren't to be met! Will chuckled and they all began to discuss what could they expect out of being a guardian and saving the world from evil.  
  
When Yan Lin came back, she informed Will that another candidate had been chosen and that they weren't a guardian, but as Will already knew that their friends were guadians, they all could continue to hang out together. Will also decided to help the guardians with both their magical and non-magical shenanigans.  
  
The replacement, a girl named Orube, had to receive some leadership training from Will, and had to go through so many teambuilding activities. Will was very glad to be of assistance. This way, they could hang out with everybody!  
  
And so, Will and the girls devised a protocol for guardian-related shenanigans.  
  
Orube was to assume the guise of "Rebecca Rudolph", a journalism student, should any human ask.  
  
Any time the girls would get up from their seats and disappear or change demeanor, Will was to come up with an excuse and take notes for class... or for classes they didn't share with the girls, they'd ask the girls' other classmates.  
  
In the case any or all of them don't come back in a day or two, Will was to let the affected girl's parents know of the guardian thing. However, nobody may report to any government official, ever. The exceptions are Tom Lair and Theresa Cook.  
  
If Will would be questioned about the girls, they were to exercise the right to remain silent. If they felt like it, they could guilt the other party with "Don't you trust your daughter?" (Needless to say, Will was uncomfortable with the idea, but it was what the girls agreed with and they had to respect that.)  
  
The only thing that didn't happen was Will being the leader in bigger group projects. They refused to be, to avoid always having to pull anyone's weight. The girls tried to make up for Will's services by giving them free rides, free dinners, and free night lodging whenever their mom had too much work to do.  
  
As time went by, Will noticed that the girls would sometimes come home with scars, bruises, or small injuries. Will immediately signed up for a first aid training, and they always carried a few bandages and band-aids in case of emergency.  
  
It wasn't really easy being support to magical girls. Will's friends supposed they'd hate Orube for taking the leader role. After all, guardianhood offered escape surprise quizzes or minor inconveniences in life.  
  
"Oh, that. Well, it was freaky to suddenly hear people's thoughts being opposite of what they say to you," Will admitted. "Yeah, for a time, I had powers, but I'm glad they're gone now. I don't want my hands to suddenly shoot out lightning and accidentally kill somebody!"  
  
"Makes sense."  
  
"I'm glad to be a normal person. Besides, you need people to help you take care of the non-guardian stuff." Will winked.  
  
"Sure, sure, but you gotta improve your handwriting." "Seconded." "Ditto."  
  
Will frowned. "Wow, all the thanks I get!"  
  
Though, thanks to that, Will found themself writing faster, more equipped to handle sudden or intrusive questions, and adjusting well to sudden change of plans. They did not have the dragon in them anymore, but they still developed useful abilities.  
  
Will wondered if there were more like them, wondered if there were enbies accidentally called to duty because of misgendering. A sad fate it was.  
  
But, there was a time that they were invited into the battlefield by their friends themselves. The magical curse doomed the fates of men and prevented women from trying in the first place. Will, the enby, passed through the so-called maze of horrors, retrieved the magical amulet, and went back unscathed, thereby overriding the curse.  
  
"I think the world would appreciate more magical enbies," Will told the Oracle.  
  
He pleasantly laughed. "Even without being magical (no longer), you already made a breakthrough. Welcome to the team, honorary guardian Will."  
  
(Will's safety was to be ensured at all times because they had no powers of their own... well, they still had a bit of that control over energy and electricity, but only if Orube would pass it onto them for a time being.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nonbinary Will as a guardian is a little iffy to write for me. They could probably still fit in and we could always use magical nonbinary person leads, but, how does Will still qualify, especially that in the narrative, over and over it's stressed that five _girls_ are chosen?
> 
> I chose a less stressful route instead where Will is the sixth ranger and they help the girls through missions and life through giving advice, like an assistant leader to Orube. Oh, right, we have guardian!Orube in this setup. All in all, a win-win situation.


	7. I(ntersex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On this chapter: Caleb advocates for education on gender and gender identity. Also comes in two versions: comics and cartoons.

**\-- Ver. Comics --**

Technically, he was male and he was female.  
  
Most of the alraunes, Metamoor's resident plant humanoids, were, just like their non-sentient counterparts growing over the lands. They had the appropriate parts to conceive with partners and they could choose how to present themselves in society.  
  
Except that society often frowned upon them for being the freaks who could self-reproduce. They were shunned away, chased with fire, to which they were so weak. They found themselves back in Meridian under Phobos' guidance. Somehow, he had a soft spot for them; the alraunes were eternally grateful to him.  
  
(The Whisperers were a special group of which who decided to take this gratitude and transform it to uncomplaining service. Caleb transformed and gained the wisdom of not continuing with this bullshit.)  
  
Caleb knew that in alraune culture, anybody can identify the way they wanted to. Some them opted for a "third gender". Some of them opted for "all" or "hermaphrodite". Some of them opted for "nothing". Only a few of them, like him, opted for "male" or "female" strictly. As young saplings, they were mostly "third gender", and they were free to change or keep it as they pleased.  
  
Of course, they didn't really need to declare to everyone how they were different within. They did not stress themselves over this "gender versus sex" thing.  
  
So, Caleb wanted to try and convince the Queen to push for education on gender identity. Elyon didn't immediately understand what it was about, as she was raised in a society that liked to keep its genders in binaries. It took a few weeks of constant questions and confusion for her to fully understand it.  
  
"I'm not talking about young alraunes specifically," Caleb explained, "I'm talking about the younger generation as a whole. The reptilians. The galhots! So many kids would benefit from it! So many kids don't have to grow up trying to fit within the previously-defined social constructs!"  
  
Elyon pursed her lips in deep thought, and within a few weeks, the law was signed. Within a few weeks, alraunes found more employment, and within the months to come, less and less people stopped stressing themselves over having different gender identities.  
  
Caleb was probably Metamoor's first intersex king consort, but this law was only one of his many great deeds for the years to come.  
  
(His child, the future queen once she decided she was female, was intersex too. She grew up with everlasting love and acceptance.)

**\-- Ver. Cartoons --**

When Caleb was a young boy, his father told him he'd be a great man someday, and that he would lead people to their bright future. Caleb asked him if he'd have a pretty wife someday, but Julian would always answer with "You'll find someone who'll understand you." Not a yes, not a no. It was vague.  
  
As Caleb grew up (without his father), he knew that something was quite... peculiar with himself. He'd seen the other boys and would compare himself to them. None of them ever had some of the problems he had, especially down there. Was this thing on him that the other boys didn't have, the mark that he would grow into a special man? He wasn't growing facial hair, or was these one of those late bloomer things? And, and these proportions! Going shirtless was not a preferred choice.  
  
Something wasn't right. He was sick, but he didn't like the idea stripping himself bare to prove so. Or, maybe he was cursed? Perhaps because he was supposedly a chosen one; this was a way to challenge him...  
  
As Caleb grew into an adult and ventured, he rescued his father, found his mother, and lost her again, this time for... good, sadly. Soon after, he decided to face the one thing that irked him as he grew up.  
  
"I don't know, Caleb," Julian answered him, "I was too afraid to ask the healer. We didn't have the money, and I couldn't leave with you in my arms those days. I'm sorry."  
  
Caleb sighed, but he knew the next person he could ask might be Galgheitta. She was knowledgeable about a lot of things; maybe she knew?  
  
"Oh, I see." She nodded in understanding. "But you should ask the guardians about that. I'm afraid my knowledge about Earth medicine might be outdated!"  
  
Caleb felt goosebumps along his back and the dryness in his throat as he approached Cornelia. What would she think about him? "...I need to see your local healer."  
  
"Is there something wrong?"  
  
"...there's been something... different about me. All these years. Cornelia, didn't you notice it? Didn't you see when you looked me?"  
  
Caleb began to explain to her. Everything he knew about himself, everything he's observed. He didn't really hate himself or his body or his parents; he just wanted answers. It's been baffling him. What if he was terribly sick all along?  
  
Cornelia, thank Imdahl, listened as she held his hand, her eyes never leaving him. "Let's go to the doctor," she decided, "They'll help you understand what's going on."  
  
Fingers interlaced with each other's, they headed to the hospital. Caleb underwent plenty of tests, but hah, they were nothing like the ones he went through in Meridian. The place was weird though. If Phobos' Meridian was too dark, this place was too... white. There was something unsettling about this place, and it smelled strongly of alcohol but... a different kind of alcohol.  
  
But, at least, it was here that he learned about his condition. Cornelia helped the doctor explain to him that he was intersex. His body was not fully man or woman; he had both secondary sex characteristics. However, he was free to choose if he would still want to identify as a man. He felt great relief. He did not have a deadly disease. He wouldn't have biological children, but he could smile at the fact that this wasn't some curse or big illness.  
  
Interested to know more about his condition and those many others diagnosed as intersex, Caleb urged Cornelia to help him connect with local intersex communities. Fortunately, there was an office in Heatherfield.  
  
Lucky.  
  
So, every time he crossed worlds and had spare time, Caleb would head to the center to various intersex people of different genders and different races. He felt terrified every time someone would mention that as a baby, their parents agreed for doctors to tinker around with their lower parts - had he been a little more different, would Nerissa also agree to something like that, being unnecessarily cut and stitched about to enforce a desired appearance of genitals without him understanding what the hell is going on? However, it helped him understand more about people like him, and he too participated in the conversations.  
  
"How common is this?" Caleb asked. "How many kids are born with this?"  
  
"For people like you, about the same as the people with red hair."  
  
Caleb thought to himself. There was Will, there was her dad (supposedly), and there was Queen Weira. Oh, wow! That's two more people than the intersex people he knew! (Himself, that is.) "Just Klinefelter?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So... it can happen to anyone?"  
  
"Anyone. Any race."  
  
There were probably more people out there, especially in Meridian, who didn't know who they were. There were at least two more people who felt scared and unsure of themselves, because their gender identity did not match with some of their sex characteristics.  
  
"Guess people in your place don't know about it. It's okay. It's why we're here."  
  
That gave Caleb an idea. He was excited to go back home and take it; he already had a venue and a plan of action in mind. He can't wait to pass the suggestion to Queen Elyon with Cornelia's help. He can't wait to meet more people like himself!  
  
(And yes, after Elyon helped him stage a proclamation, there were about five more people like him who came forth. They all made a group, they hired a healer to help them diagnose and help kids with such cases too, and Caleb was never happier. Maybe except for when he and Cornelia married. That's different; he was at his happiest there too.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intersex Caleb! This helped me enjoy Caleb as a character even more, though, comics Caleb will always be a douche to Cornelia for me. Tch.
> 
> I went into intersex people's blogs (insightful) and I tried to read fics with intersex characters that is NOT omegaverse, before researching about the conditions affecting them. I went a bit more into the scientific world, and it reminded me of how much I loved genetics.
> 
> Cartoons Caleb as depicted above specifically has Klinefelter syndrome. And, yes, it's true. There are a lot of people who are intersex, and those with Klinefelter only are as many as people who have red hair, and yet there are fewer depictions of them I see going around my hang-outs at the net. Hence, intersex Caleb advocating for visibility and awareness is pretty much my response to issues about intersex people depicted in various media.
> 
> Comics Caleb, on the other hand, is a magical variant of an intersex person with fully functional male and female organs like Hermaphroditus. Alraunes are also a race made up by me based on plants, which are technically mostly hermaphroditic, with their view of gender a little more complex than the reptilians', and I might include them in my overall Metamoorian lore.
> 
> Once again, as said in the author's notes: intersex people are not inherently LGBT, but since I'm already on the subject of discussing sexuality and gender-related stuff, I might as well mention this.


	8. A(sexual)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orube thinks she's broken, but a certain someone comes along, which help her come to terms with herself.

Orube never understood the appeal of having a partner. Marriage was something she was expected to undergo once she was of age. She couldn't imagine her husband's face at all, and she wasn't too keen on about actually having a husband. A family was nice, but she couldn't imagine herself with children.  
  
She had little of these desires. She scowled as her fellow warriors talked about the most attractive students of their class. She rejected every single warrior trying to confess their feelings for her.  
  
What was it about having a special someone growing old with you? How about friends; were they not special enough?  
  
When Orube came to Heatherfield, she was fascinated with the idea of love. It was so surreal. Was that why people like to choose their special someones? Love? But there was platonic love, a love between friends. What was so special with this romantic love? Why was she the only one without any crushes? Why did nobody seem interesting to her?  
  
She must be broken. Everyone had someone to love. But try as she might, she couldn't simply fall in love.  
  
There were gestures she found sweet. There were men she could trust. Maybe she liked women? No, they were just as... boring(?) as the men. Orube did not desire to be so intimate with others. She was fine on her own.  
  
She did wish she had someone to connect with, though, someone who wouldn't just laugh at her misunderstandings of the human workings, someone she could tell many parts of herself to. She was lonely.  
  
These two ideas bounced back and forth in her mind, in her heart. How could they coexist? Couldn't she decide on just one of them?  
  
And then... Cedric.  
  
Orube felt very strong feelings for him. No, this was caused by her loneliness. She was fine on her own. But still, she was drawn to him. He was the object of her curiosity, and for the first time, she so wanted to share herself with someone. With him. Those things she shared, he treasured, even if he did not agree. He did not speak of those to others; he did not expose her ugliness, her fragile heart.  
  
And he too, he shared. As he did with her, she treasured everything.  
  
She was her very special friend. Yes. She could call him her friend. She loved being his friend, and having him as a friend.  
  
And she was fine if they only stayed as friends.  
  
(Dear fires of Basiliade, if he betrayed her again, she's not sure she could forgive him. But thank the Oracle, he's alive, he's alive...!)  
  
Somehow, along the line, she started yearning for more. She loved his companionship. Cedric gave her the right amount of attention and asked when he was unsure. He respected her feelings and her decisions. She knew she could trust him with many things, even her life.  
  
She was in love, finally, after so many years of wanting to catch that feeling. It felt so nice to want someone beside you; the idea of them wanting you back was so fulfilling. It wasn't as dreamy or as magical as she dreamed it to be, for her desired partner was an ex-criminal who was generally mean to everyone, but so especially kind to her.  
  
Still, she loved this feeling. She loved being in love. And she'd love to be loved too.  
  
(And yes, he loved her back. They committed. Their love bloomed together.)  
  
Being in a relationship required sharing of many things: living space, possessions, and personal life. Now, Orube found Cedric describing himself with a term she was unfamiliar with.  
  
"Bisexual?" she asked. "What does that mean?"  
  
"Oh, that." He shrugged. "It means attraction towards both men and women, I guess? I'm not too familiar with the technicalities around this term, but yes, I identify with this label strongly."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Does that not sit well with you?"  
  
"...I don't really understand, so it's okay. I... I didn't even know I could fall in love."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"There must be something wrong with me. You're the only exception." Orube stared at her feet. "I never liked anyone else the same way I like you! I didn't desire anyone. I couldn't even imagine myself having a family. I don't know what type of person I like. I'm... I'm broken!"  
  
"You're not broken!" It was special coming from Cedric, but knowing how much he liked to flatter her, she couldn't really believe it. "You're just a little different, but you are fine the way you are."  
  
"I've no experience on relationships, Cedric, unlike you! I don't have those urges; I don't even know if I want sex..." She began to tear up. "I'm horrible. Why me? Why did you choose me? I might even be barren...!"  
  
But, as expected of the gentle Cedric, he sat beside her. "Can I hug you?"  
  
She nodded, and he hugged her.  
  
"You don't have to fulfill any of that if you're not comfortable about it," he assured, "I love you, and I will respect any boundary you set. You don't have to be a mother. You don't have to be a wife. But we can still be family, okay?"  
  
"But... t-they said... if I don't have kids, my... my legacy... how do I pass them on? How do I become a... a respectable woman?"  
  
"You are still a respectable woman. There is a lot to admire about you, love. Besides, we can always adopt children and raise them as our own."  
  
"A-adopt?"  
  
"Yes. There are people with no children, and there are also children who don't have parents who can take care of them. If you don't want that, you can always be a teacher, and be your students' second mother, guiding them in their lives."  
  
Orube hadn't meant for it, and she hated having to cry, but all she did that day was sob in Cedric's arms about her many grievances. She had lived with these thinking all her life, knowing that it was so weird and seeing proof that she was the only one who was different. It felt so good to finally hear someone tell her something positive about herself, something new and refreshing, something that wouldn't make her hate herself.  
  
("You're probably aromantic and asexual."  
"W-what does that mean, Cedric?"  
"You simply can't fall in love or desire somebody!"  
"...perhaps..."  
"Or maybe it's gray-romantic? Gray-ace?"  
"I don't understand these terms. I don't think I can use them either."  
"Okay, okay! Understood, Milady!"  
"...I love you, Cedric."  
"I love you too, Orube.")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asexual Orube, or should I say, gray-/demiace? Or perhaps gray-/demiromantic asexual? Either way, she's ace to me and I love her.
> 
> A lot of the things I discussed above are based on my own experiences and the stuff I read about asexuality when I told myself, "Hey I identify that way." There's also a lot of variants within the asexuality spectrum that I know of. I read about somebody's ace parents who literally went "DIBS!" when they saw each other. We also have aro/aces. We have sex repulsed aces. We have aces interested in reading (and/or writing) smut.
> 
> As I've said, they can be both hetero, gay, bi, or pan and ace. Asexuality is not inherently LGBT either, but since I'm already on the subject of discussing sexuality and gender-related stuff, I might as well mention this.
> 
> Do you have other characters who you headcanon to be of a different sexuality? How about a genderbend that's not a mere cisswap? How about characters you see as intersex? CHYKN??? Let me know!


End file.
